HARRISBURG, PA: Governor Tom Corbett was the Attorney General when the Sandusky investigation was transferred from Centre County to his office in Strawberry Square. And even though Corbett is no longer the AG, his order put a halt to the Curley/Schultz/Spanier preliminary hearing one day early.
A well placed source close the Governor, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that Corbett had stationed a staffer at the hearings to provide him with updates during the proceedings. Corbett's remarks during these reports expressed disappointment with the prosecution's presentation to the point that Corbett attempted to call off the proceedings after the first day.
"He said what? How many different stories is he going to tell? I swear he must have taken one too many hits to that red head of his when he was playing quarterback. At least Frank isn't putting his crazy old man on the stand. Keep me posted."
Things didn't get any better when Corbett later received the report on former police Chief Tom Harmon's testimony:
"Please tell me he didn't blow it too. No? What do you mean not exactly? He still got the lie down about not knowing about the McQueary report, right? Okay. Well, how bad did it go? He forgot to lie about giving the police report to Schultz! How could he be that stupid. There goes one perjury charge. Who's up next? Coble. Good. She hated Schultz. She'll pull this out of the fire for us."
The court took a recess after the completion of Coble's testimony and the update was provided to Corbett, who bellowed:
"She got the story right about not knowing what was in the Sandusky file, but she couldn't remember when Schultz used his stern voice! That's just great. Who is coaching the witnesses? This would have never happened when I was running the show. We were experts at suborning, er, witness preparation. If this gets any worse, I'm going to shut it down."
Corbett was said to be on edge, waiting to hear how the last two witnesses, Kimberly Belcher and John Corro, performed. Belcher had agreed to testify with a grant of immunity, so Corbett felt confident she would drive nails in the coffin of Schultz. But the report Corbett received at the end of the day was not at all as he expected. Belcher and Corro had not only cleared PSU officials of some of the obstruction of justice charges, but had exposed Corbett's pal Louis Freeh as a liar.
Corbett was in full explosive mode after getting the news and did the only thing he could think of....
"HARLEY! Get in here. You get on the phone to Charlie Thompson and the rest of our people at the Patriot News and make sure not one word of this gets out. Do you understand? Nothing. Have that little snot Franz write about anything other than what Belcher and Corro said. At least I don't have to worry about little Miss Pulitzer screwing things up anymore. She's CNN's problem now."Later that evening, Corbett summoned Bruce Beemer and Frank Fina to his office and instructed them to pull the plug on the hearings.
"Good God, Bruce! If you keep calling witnesses like today's, these guys will be cleared of all the charges. Half the case went down the crapper today. We have as much of a chance at winning this case as I do of being re-elected. Gawd-dammit! I know. Frank, go on TV and tell people you think Paterno wasn't involved in the cover up. We don't need the jury linking Paterno with the Three Stooges. We can blame the whole Paterno thing on Noonan."
Beemer and Fina assured the Governor that Day 2's witnesses would be better prepared, as they were keeping them overnight at Zimm's Palace and would have more time to prepare them -- after everyone had partaken of the free hors d'eouvres and booze at Hershey's most exquisite happy hour.
Corbett, who was still angry, relented, and agreed to one more day - but only because he now had an excuse to go over to Zimm's, have drinks with witnesses, and leer at a few cocktail waitresses. He then asked who was going to testify the next day.
Before Beemer could stop him, Fina mentioned that Cynthia Baldwin was not among the witnesses, but just hearing Baldwin's name set Corbett off.
"Baldwin! That woman shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a court house! My God, we don't need that two-faced liar ruining things -- immunity deal or not. I don't trust her. I want her sent on an antique shopping trip before the trial. Yes, I said it! Make sure it happens. Now, get out of my sight and don't blow it tomorrow."
NOTE: This article is satire. I have chosen to write satirical pieces because of how ridiculous this case and our BOT has become. If you had trouble separating fact from fiction, then it shows you just how bad things have gotten.